From 15 to 5
by akuta no kyouki
Summary: If you learn from mistakes, learn quickly. It can be any pairings you want. This is my first of many.
1. Chapter 1

**Here is the summary for those deranged people who didn't like the first one**

**Summary----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

If you learn from mistakes, learn **very **quickly. Even quicker when you change the mental age by mistake. Even quicker still when that person is the savior of the world. Even more quicker when people go insane because of that.

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**Hello. This part of the fanfic is to explain that I don't own any of the characters here...yet. So carry on and read this testament of my supreme madness!**

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DiZ was not a patient man. Being a man of once oh-so-great patience and traveling pointlessly just to get his revenge, his patience had worn down. The key to his vengeance was Sora who was currently in a coma- not a reassurance for a quick and easy revenge, particularly when someone told him that there was a 'problem'.

"I want to know about this teeny _weeny_, itsy _bitsy_, itty _bitty_ problem" DiZ asked again, tapping his foot on the floor impatiently.

"Nothing at all, really it's barely worth knowing about. I would just be wasting your oh so valuable, important, world saving time." Namine said, trying to stall.

"_What. Is. Wrong?"_ DiZ said, coming to his limit, his remaining visible flesh turning a deep shade of tomato red, matching his bandages.

"_Well,_" Namine elongated the 'well' "I was… sort of… recreating the last ten years of his life so far, and I well, kind of destroyed the ten years. And that means well when Sora wakes up he might, just maybe, on a very slim chance, think he is a five-year-old." Namine Said trying to back away from the unnaturally quiet DiZ.

"Ah. Well, we have a problem. A Problem that makes the only person who can save us think he is a fucking _five-year-_

_old!"_

"Language DiZ! Honestly, if God was writing this down somewhere and letting everyone else read it, they would be appalled. Anyway, surely it can't be that bad?" Messing up with some one's memories was new to Namine and she didn't know the consequences

"That's it! Riku! Get your covered-in-darkness butt in here!" Yelled DiZ.

Riku came in, wearing that damn coat that was meant for all the members of Organization XIII but all the important characters have.

"What do you want DiZ?" The hooded guy asked.

"You're still in darkness right, so you can feel no guilt after evil deeds?"

"Yes." Riku said, unsure of where this was going. _No._

"Then please please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, throttle this damn idiot to her fucking wanted death." Pleaded DiZ, unnaturally on his knees.

"No." Killing Kairi's Nobody was not something he was about to do, killing _DiZ_ however…

Being refused was not in DiZ's nature, so screaming, he pressed a button which dropped Riku into a room filled with lasers all pointed at Riku. The lasers opened fire.

"Do you know Halloween town?" DiZ asked, back to his silent anger at Namine although sometimes stopping to laugh maniacally when he heard Riku (fake) scream with pain. Riku was actually watching a TV show- how to get revenge and torture annoying bastards (the lasers had been destroyed).

"Yep" Answered Namine, wondering why he asked her this.

"Remember, Christmas town?"

"Yes" Ah, _now_ she knew where this was going

"Remember that all _five-year-olds_ are obsessed with Christmas and meeting Santa?" _not to mention hyperactivity but… scratch that, Sora's hyper without those sugary cupcakes._

"OK. This. Is. Bad."

"Damn right you are."

"But what will happen to Roxas." Asked Namine, thinking of a five-year-old Roxas, the thought was quite amusing, in thought, but in real life, disastrous.

"Roxas's physical age: Fifteen, mental age: five"

"So what's going to happen in Twilight Town?"

"Oh no." The colour drained out of DiZ's face as he hit the ground with a satisfying _thump_.

"Heh heh heh. Mission annoy DiZ success!!!" Namine and Riku smirked.

(A/N): well there ya have it folks! Pretty much of these notes are of the beta so I'm just going to sit in the corner crying until someone feels sorry for me and gives me chocolate.

(B/N): Stay in touch to see what monstrosities little Roxie will do!! MWAHAHAHA!!!

Roxie: don't call me that!!

Beta: oh? I can and will I own YOU!!

Roxie: no you don't, Square Enix does.

Beta: (sobs) you're right… but I can still call you ROXIE!!!!

Roxie: NOOOOOO!!!!!

Author: Does everybody always ignore me? Seriously, I'm the guy who came up with this idea, but do I get any credit?

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo………………….. Thank you for reading, review please.

Beta and Roxie: QUIET!!!


	2. A flashback in a flashback

**Hello. This part of the fanfic is to explain that I don't own any of the characters here...yet. So carry on and read this testament of my supreme madness!**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Um, Roxas? It's okay, Seifer barely hit you." Olette said, trying to comfort the crying Roxas.

"He hit me! He hit me! He hit me! He hit me! He HIT ME!" wailed Roxas. This is what happened five minutes before:

**Flashback**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Someone help me! I've got a terminal illness! I can't say ! I'm going to die!" Roxas begged. He was still amazed at not being able to say 'photo' or rather 'fwoto'. ',,,,'_

"_Roxas! For the last, bloody, fucking time YOU. ARE. NOT. PLAGUED. BY. ANY. DISEASE. OR. ILLNESS. GOT THAT?!!" screamed a really pissed off Hayner. Everyone was amazed at Roxas's childish behavior too._

"_You're mean… you meanie!" Whined Roxas. Namine wiping the last ten years from his memory was definitely not, not, not, not, not, a good thing. The only good thing that came out of it was DiZ in a lunatic asylum. "You said a baaaaad word… you Monster of DARKNESSS!!!! HEEELLPP MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"_

_Roxas ran off after seeing that Hayner was in a screaming fit and attacking anything that moved._

_Roxas soon ran into Seifer. Mentally aged five Roxas and fifteen year old Seifer were not a good mix._

"_What happened to your face? It's really… ugly! Did a dog bite you and the doctor was too late to save you?"_

"_Shut. Up."_

_**Author: we are now going to go into a flashback within one to find out why Seifer is angry about the insult. It's long and pointless but for the sake of making this chapter longer, I must do it.**_

**Flashback---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Squall walked into the dark, beach thingy._

"_Well, why am I here Seifer?" he asked, wondering why Seifer had called him here._

"_You know very well why! You ate the last piece of pizza! The pizza was pepperoni, my favorite! To avenge my beloved Pepperoni slice I challenge you to a fight!" Seifer cried, remembering that fateful day._

"_You called me here, for a fight to the death, because of a _fucking_ pizza slice?!!!" a ticked off squall said._

"_Damn right!"_

"_I am going to give a scar so damn ugly that it's gonna make five year olds walk up to you and make them think a dog got your face!" shouted a _really_ pissed off Squall._

_Seifer's face paled. Five year olds are dangerous. _Very_ dangerous. Too bad the shock of hearing about five year olds was long enough for Squall to do what he said. A damn ugly scar was now on Seifer's head._

"_The Pepperoni was crap. Margarita's much better. The cheese has beaten the spice." Sneered Squall. That was pouring a lot of salt into the wound. Too much._

"_YOU. DO. NOT. DISRESPECT. THE. PEPPERONI." Shouted a _**Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, **_mad Seifer. Seifer continued to stab Squall several times, chop off his arms and legs, and many other ghastly things happened after that._

_**Author note: **__Since the plot of FF 8 was ruined now everyone rejoiced (even Hayner managed to produce a giggle). Seifer unfortunately was fired and got a job with me._

**End Flashback----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"_DOGGY FACE DOGGY FACE!! DOG GOT YA FA-ACE! DOG GOT YA FA-ACE!" Roxas giggled, completely oblivious to Seifer's growing temper._

"_That's it. Die punk."_

"_SEIFER, NOOOOO!!!" _

_Unfortunately, Olette and the others got there _after_ a fight started._

**End flashback-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"waaaaah! Waaaaaah!" wailed Roxas as he felt the consequences of angering Seifer without being able to defend yourself from an enraged teenager.

"Crybaby." Said Fuu, going to take a picture of crying Roxas when a weird white dancing jerk (for the inexplicably stupid, this is a dusk. Yes, I know everyone reading this now hates me but I couldn't resist.) Stole the photo and ran off.

Rai said it best: I bloody well want to know what the fuck happened here y'know!

"You said a baaaaaaaad word! Monster of DARKNESS!" Said Roxas, said running off. The 'm'-phrase twisted something in Hayner. Not even the skateboard inexplicably lying there was safe from Hayner's wrath.

Some time later (with Hayner in the asylum with DiZ) Roxas actually found the dusk and asked why it was doing these things.

"You do know that stealing is wrong, right? Mom said that if you steal you go to a nasty-wasty place called hell." The dusk was 3 steps away.

"And when you get there a meany called Satan jabs you with a fork and it's meant to really hurt!" 2 steps.

"Then Satan-the-meany would make fun of you, saying you were overweight, unimportant, fat, your best friend would die horribly of something completely harmless" 1 step.

"And then you're left all alone to cry and cry and ---- AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Roxas' left hand's little finger was moving in with the grass.

Author: Well there it is people still watching after I called you inexplicably stupid. My beta is currently ignoring me so I'm going to some how make this funny.

Roxas: My little finger! Oh my poor sweet finger! Why God! Why!

Author: I did it because a) because seeing you cry is very funny to some of the people watching and b) I'm a sadistic git.

Roxas: That's not very nice!

Author: That's why I'm doing it! Honestly are there no smart people here? Does anyone apart from me know what apathetic means? No! It's annoying that no one is as smart as me! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDAMMIT! WHY!

Therapist-that-turned-out-of-nowhere: Calm down now. It's alright. Come with me now to a place where you can see people die horribly.

Author: Yay!


	3. How much crap can I write?

**Hello. This part of the fanfic is to explain that I don't own any of the characters here...yet. So carry on and read this testament of my supreme madness!**

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_Back in the lab…_

"Uh Riku? Shouldn't you go help Roxas? 5 year olds don't know how to use keyblades you know." Namine was watching the finger fall to the ground.

"Yeah, I probably should but someone's got to sedate DiZ. How about you go?" Riku said. Watching over DiZ was not easy when whenever you said "calm down" he'd start to try suffocating himself for no reason.

"But I have to create Sora's memories!"

"By watching DiZ not breathing?" _Damn. Why can't I do that? Oh yeah, I can, I'm watching over DiZ. Wait. If I'm here, who's guarding him?_ Panicky thoughts entered the darkness covered brain of Riku.

"Dears, where's my toast. Hehehe. I thought I asked you to do that, heehee, 2 years ago." DiZ the Maniac escaped. And with him his trusty sidekick Hayner the Mentally Disturbed. These two madmen became friends in a very crappy flashback.

**Author:** Hey! What are you calling crappy?

Your writing style obviously.

**Author: **Shut up! I can crush you in two fucking seconds!

I'd like to see you fucking try, you fucking bitch.

**Author: **Bit addicted to the swears aren't we?

I'm not! Beside's, I thought you were going to crush me?

**Author:** And I shall.

_I summon thee from the depths,_

_Of the ice cold world of cartoons._

_Come to me, crusher of_

_Hated characters._

_**5000 TONNE WEIGHT!**_

Oh no! Whatever shall I d---AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH (He has just been crushed now)

**Author: **And now, on with the crappy flashback

**Flashback-**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_In the Lunatic Asylum…_

"_And then I said to Mr. Hooded guy that he could still throttle bottle sized girl…" DiZ was rambling on to his newly found muttering roommate, Hayner._

"_Hey! You rhymed! I feel so glad. Can I throttle you?" Hayner had cracked. Hayner had turned mad. Hayner was DiZ reincarnated. The sign of bad things to come was too obvious (Especially if you read above)._

"_Why not? I always wanted to be throttled ever since I was a little book." They understood each other perfectly. _

_DiZ was unconscious later. When he came round they were best friends._

"_Hey woodpecker, no sailors here. Let's break out of this mp3 player." DiZ had regained enough sanity to get out of there._

_And you know what happened next_

**End Flashback----------------------------------------------------------------------------------**----------------------------

"R-R-Riku? What should we do?" You can't blame her. What would you do if you had a deranged madman who had been trapped in darkness for ten years, hungry for revenge _and_ had been throttled by a 15 year old, trying to kill you.

"We do what we can do. That is RUN THE HELL AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!" Riku had retained his cool did the best thing possible.

"Hey, he said a baaaaaaaaad tree, that newspaper's a MONSTER OF CHOCOLATE!" DiZ did not regain his mental age unfortunately.

"DO. NOT. SAY. ANOTHER. WATER. OR. MY. CAT. WILL. SMOTHER. YOU." It was triggering a bad memory inside of Hayner.

"Yes Mr. Candy man. Any wood, what shall we do?" DiZ the Maniac was bored.

"Can I go throttle someone Mr. Cookie?" Hayner was bored also. But he had someone he wanted to kill. Roxas.

And so began the Adventures of DiZ the Maniac and Hayner the Mentally Disturbed. Join us again for the next crappy chapter.

**Author:** Hey! What are you doing back here?

Well, bitch a) Cartoons can't be killed and b) I'm the narrator for this fanfic.

**Author: **Well then, I'll just have to kill you and fire in a non-cartoon way. Here I go!

_Excalibur's twin, I call thee,_

_Not from Heaven, but from Hell,_

_Stab with the power of Satan,_

_**RUBILACXE!**_

Oh please, what the fuck will Excalibur's fucking name backwards d----AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!(he has just been stabbed, gutted, cut into quarters, eighths, 16ths, 32ths and so on)

**Author: **You're fired.

**Author:** Well there it is people what do you think?

**Beta:** Review or DiZZy-chan will kill you!


	4. Dangerous 5 Year Olds

**Hello. This part of the fanfic is to explain that I don't own any of the characters here...yet. So carry on and read this testament of my supreme madness!**

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A crying 5 year old can make people laugh like there's no tomorrow. And it can make the 5 year old turn into the most horrifying creature known to man.

And this scenario was happening with Roxas and the dusk. The dusk was barely breathing and Roxas' rage was increasing.

And to not disgust the reader I shall change the scenario slightly. What was going to happen was:

**Imaginary Future**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"My finger! **MY FINGER!**" Roxas leapt on to the dusk biting, scratching, kicking and several other vicious actions.

"_**MY FINGER!**_" Here comes off the right arm spurting with nobody blood.

"_MY FINGER!_" Left arm with nobody blood gushing.

"_**MY FINGER!**_" And there goes the head.

**End Imaginary Future--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

And now, what really happened.

"**RUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"** Namine and Riku shot by. Riku accidentally dropped his keyblade, _Way to they Dawn_, right beside Roxas

"Dang! I'll just have take it after I sort everything out." Riku said as he passed by.

"Sword? **SWORD!**" Roxas grabbed the keyblade and cut the dusk which immediately left the photos and the ability to say "fwoto" as well as a receipt.

The receipt read:

_Thank you for purchasing the following items off Organization XIII:_

_4 Photos of Roxas_

_Ability to say Fwoto._

_Cost: 1 cut of a keyblade_

_Thank you, please come again._

"My fwotos!" Roxas reverted from "Low Blood Pressure Beast" to "Mentally aged 5 year old". Not much of a change, I know, but better.

And this would make a lovely end for the chapter but it's too short. So without further ado, we shall continue.

"There he is, Bubble!" Hayner said in one of those cutesy-wutesy voices while crawling towards Roxas like a homicidal maniac.

"Well then Captain Bottle, throttle!" DiZ shouted encouragingly.

"Didn't I tell you not to rhyme? Now I have to throttle you." Hayner made it a policy to throttle people who rhymed. The author made it that way and it's getting annoying to say all this crap.

**Author: **I thought you were fired!

I am a friend of the one you fired and I 'm here to continue what he started!

**Author: **And what did the swearing bitch start?

Only this

_The Almighty One,_

_Bearer of Both, Might and Magic,_

_I call thee:_

_**THE KEEPER OF CIDS**_

**Author: **Cids! Anything but that! What can some old men do?

_Keeper of Cids: _You shall experience first hand. Come out Cids.

You were wrong to oppose me, the summoner of the mightiest of monsters!

Cid: hello

Cid: hello

Cid: hello

Cid: hello

Cid: hello

Cid: hello

Cid: hello

Cid: hello

**Author: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! Which one is which! I can't tell! Help me! Anybody!

Therapist-that-turned-out-of-no-where: Oh dear, this is not good.

**Author: **h…e..lp, me.

Therapist-that-turned-out-of-no-where: Very well, we shall talk about my reward later. Hey Cid, come over here.

Cid: What do you want, master is very busy.

Cid: I believe he wanted to talk to me.

Cid: no, me.

Cid: ahem, he means me.

Therapist-that-turned-out-of-no-where: To avoid damage of your deformed mental state, we shall omit the fight and just say that the cids were dead at the end. But let me tell you, Cid was a good fighter.

_Keeper of the Cids: _Nooooooooooo! My Cids! My poor, poor Cids!

**Author: **And now, to finish it up

_I summon thee from the depths,_

_Of the ice cold world of cartoons._

_Come to me, crusher of_

_Hated characters._

_**5000 TONNE WEIGHT!**_

_Keeper of the Cids: _No! I'll be killed! You! Why did you summon me in cartoon form?!

Hey, you're the most powerful right?

_Keeper of the Cids:_ I'm powerful with my Ciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii---(He has just been crushed)

**Author: **And now for you.

I'm sorry! Please, don't use Rubilaxce!

**Author: **Why should I? I'm not. Don't worry about that any more. Hey Hayner! He said "Monster of Darkness"!

Good god NO!

"You shouldn't have eaten that. Oh no you shouldn't have" The urge to kill was rising

No! Get away from me! No! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

**Author: **Good lord! Thank god that guy wasn't there to describe it.

Therapist-that-turned-out-of-no-where: About my reward?

**Author: **Sure. You've saved me twice before. Anything you want.

Therapist-that-turned-out-of-no-where: I would like to have a name please.

**Author: **Well I suppose Therapist-that-turned-out-of-no-where is a bit long.

Therapist-that-turned-out-of-no-where: I would like to be called NecroFait.

**Author: **It shall be so. But would you mind getting me another narrator, it's getting really annoying.

Audience: Hey! Get on with the story line!

**Author:** Meh, can't be bothered. Bye


End file.
